Life Update 2023
Sharing a life update—this is what I originally posted on Instagram. At the time, I didn’t have it in me to write about it here, but I wanted to keep it in this space too.
May 24, 2023:
This right here is my stance for the week. I needed this. Thanks MHN for this encouragement.
Honestly, y’all…as my mom is very slowly slipping from this world, I’m finding myself at a loss for words. For a change, I don’t have a lot to say…One thing I know for sure: God will see me through.
I AM going to make it through this…but I do feel like I need to take a little breather from posting and pouring out. I listened to a timely podcast by Melanie Redd over on Ordinary Women, Extraordinary God today that gave me the permission I was looking for to let go of a few things in a moment of exhaustion…so while Mom’s in respite care this week…I think I’ll do just that…take care of myself by posting less and being present more, by letting myself off the hook for recording a new episode for next week’s The Grace Frontier Podcast and even from self-imposed deadlines that can absolutely wait.
What matters is what’s right in front of me. What’s really needed is being gentle with myself while I help my dad and sister take care of my mom. I got her outfit changed so she’ll be ready to celebrate 85 in the morning (at her bday pjs for tomorrow) So, while I’m sitting here (in a stuffy hospice room) feeling like I’m not doing enough and not doing what seems really pressing, I am confident I am going to make it through this WITH GOD.
May 30, 2023:
No filter needed.
Tonight’s sunset hits a little different knowing Mom’s with Jesus now. There’s not enough words to express how incredibly grateful I am to have had such an amazing mother. Just ten days before her death she was holding baby Rae on her lap singing “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” over and over again over Rae…it didn’t escape me that this was the epitome of her whole life’s work…praying Jesus over us, for us, to us, in all things and for all her days…she proclaimed His love for us and over us…saturating us in His presence and love in hopes that we, too would know Him, love Him, trust Him and declare His goodness over our lives and our children and our children’s children.
Mom is the reason I fell in love with Jesus and with studying His Word…her life song: ”to know Him is to love Him and to love Him is to know Him more each day.”
Wanda “Gaile” Ward 5/25/1938-5/28/2023
June 5, 2023:
“Hold on tight, it’s a wild ride out there!” 🐴 🤠 🌵 ☕️
Well, ain’t that the truth? 🫣
I’m missing this photo 💣er something fierce. When I called Gabriel to tell him that he might want to come say goodbye to GrandMommie, you know what he did? Got on a plane that very day and stayed almost two weeks.
His (in person) smile was like a sweet balm for my heart and soul. It was such a gift to have both my boys here as we watched my mom slip away over those 7 days. God’s fingerprints were all over our time together.
There were some awfully hard moments mixed in with some of the most precious glimpses of heaven here on earth…This is what I know…God is in the wildest of times when we feel like we’re on a bucking bronco and life is completely out of our control…at that moment.., when we hold on tight to Jesus…the wild life becomes a grand adventure sprinkled with love and laughter to get us through the roughest rides and toughest seasons.
God is in this space; I’m certain of it. 🤍🩶🤍 thanks Stitch cafe for my birthday coffee coupon ☕️ it was amazing (as always).
Also, my boys gave my mom the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers from The Plant Shoppe for her last birthday this side of Heaven. She made it to 85 and 3 days. Happy trails until we meet again, mama! We love you! 🩶
PS: I kept the flowers to dry and keep to remember this very special (and wild) week of making memories and saying goodbye to the best mom ever.
June 7, 2023:
I kept telling myself I was ready…but I wasn’t. You can’t really be ready for that which you’ve never experienced before. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Over the past couple of days, I’ve been sick with some kind of chest cold thing. I’m beyond tired; my body is telling me to rest. And, I’m listening. 👇👇👇In fact, I wrote this the morning of my mom’s funeral… “Truth is: I’m not ready for today. I don’t want to do today. I want to hold my mom’s hand, hear her say, “I have always loved you.” One. More. Time. The finality feels heavy today. We will celebrate her life, mourn the loss, and life will move on…it never really stopped, I just got sidetracked, blindsided, waylaid by what I knew was coming and thought I was prepared for—only I wasn’t. I’m not.
In a couple of hours, we’ll lay her to rest and I will become restless as I have been for the past 12 months watching her die a little more each day. Now she’s gone. A little of me died with her. I thought I was ready; I’m not.” 🩶In light of this revelation, I wanted to let you know with this
ANNOUNCEMENT 📣 THE GRACE FRONTIER PODCAST WILL BE BACK ON 7/12/23 📣
After much consideration and due to my mom’s passing, I have decided to take break from recording for a few weeks. With the Fourth of July 🇺🇸 holiday coming up, I decided to come back on 7/12/23 with some fresh new episodes.
I can’t wait to share with you what God’s been laying on my heart as I’ve pressed into Him during these difficult days. I look forward to introducing you to some new friends who will show us how X marks the spot where grace finds you and me. I’m learning to extend the same grace I so freely give to others to myself.
As a recovering people-pleaser, this is no small task. I’m learning to take care of me so I can pour out to you from the overflow instead of an empty cup. I hope you’ll hang out with me here in the IN BETWEEN place of what was and what will be because some people mark you for Eternity and life just isn’t the same when they’re gone.
My mom was my biggest cheerleader and greatest prayer warrior. She didn’t raise a quitter, but taught me to take time to tend to heart matters as a leader.
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